When I was a little girl I looked up to the Disney movies. Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty. All those movies were my way of thinking how love was meant to be. I always thought that my "Prince" the one I will spend the rest of my life with will come and find me like they found the princess. I had this dream of being swept off my feet at the right time. When I was 16, I thought I met my prince, but I was wrong. I was wrong several times after as well. I am a girl saving herself for her first kiss, so trying to find a prince like that in this day and age is a lot harder than you think. I thought that everything was going to be okay. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about finding love and the right one. I found out I was wrong. I have spent so long trying to figure this out on my own, but I realized I was trying to God's place in my life. I thought I was supposed to orchestrate the meeting and God would set it all up. Four and a half years later, I gave it one last try thinking a broken boy could fix me. I thought if we were on the same path, we might be able to fix each other. I was wrong. Finally after being broken down to nothing and having no one to talk to I cried out to the lord. I was in so much pain I thought I might lose it. I let another person try to be the missing piece I needed to make me whole. The other day my father came home with a book, said he thought I should read it. After reading the introduction I thought it was nice, but I didn't think I needed it. I hadn't stopped spending time with Jesus, but I felt like I was still searching. Two nights ago I came home and broke down talking to my mom on how lost I felt. I had run into a a guy that I hadn't seen in a while, part of me thought "could he be the one?" I have still been searching, not physically, but internally, still searching. I then pushed that thought out of my head, but felt worthless. I told her all of this and she told me during this time of being single I shouldn't be looking for someone, that my life is to be used by the Lord and I am to serve him. I have always been super insecure, feeling like I was never good enough for anyone. Lies I have been told and have told myself since I was 12. I took the words she said and with tears in my eyes went to my room to pray. I stopped and saw the book that my dad gave me a few days before. I sat down and was determined to read it. The book is called Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. From the moment I actually started reading it, it was answering all my questions. It talked about how I am not wast my free time I have now searching for someone and manipulating God's plan for my life. I finally realized how I can find myself, through him. He is the puzzle piece I need to be whole. It was his work in my life that I was missing. I was lost and searching for love in the wrong places, I can't do that anymore. I know he is in control. Although my insecurities will not go away over night, I feel like i'm making progress in the right direction. I am content with waiting for God to bring me the right man at the right time, but for now I need to just serve him. Not waste my time. I can serve him by being involved in my church,s pending time with my family, and focusing on school. Until my priorities are straight, I should be searching, but then again it's not my job to set out the plan God has for me, I think he's capable of doing that on his own.
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AuthorReggie is a college gradute with a degree in English. She loves traveling and hopes to one day stay on the battle field for missions. Life is a book and everyday is an adventure, follow her on this journey and see the world through her eyes. Archives
November 2017
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