I met with my therapist today. The second session. Second time I’ve gone to process the hell you’ve put me through.
He asked what was on my mind. “I can still feel him” I said, tears began to roll down my face. I continued, “I can still hear his voice in my head, telling me all the things I’m doing wrong.” “What is something he would tell you is wrong?” He asked As I looked around the room, all four walls. I looked to the empty spot on the couch next to me, and replied “He would have told me to sit on the left side of the couch.” With a surprised look in his face he said “Then let’s not do what He wants. This is going to be hard, but I want you to come sit on this chair over here, instead of there.” I hesitated, and after a few seconds got up and loved seats. As I sat down he said “Can you hear him getting mad at you?” “No but I can feel his glare of disapproval.” He looked at the left spot of the couch, where we could both picture you sitting. “What if you told him to leave?” He replied. “He would stay just to spite me.” I said as I tried to choke back tears. “What if I asked him?” He said hopeful. “He would leave because he’s such a people pleaser.” So we sat for a minute. And he said to the empty couch “You are no longer welcome here. It is time for you to leave.” He rose up and opened the door. I pictured you walking out, slowly. Glaring at me as the door shut. I began to sob. He said “how do you feel now?” “Like I can really be honest now.” So I was. He saw the change, the ghost of you no longer haunting me. The change continues, I’m no longer letting your voice haunt my every decision. No longer walking on eggshells thinking of what you would say. It’s time to start listening to myself again. I’m learning to trust myself Taking back the trust I put in you. It’s a shame, you consumed everything about me. No more. I don’t want to write about you anymore either, but I think you’ll always be apart of it. You’re the push that set me to rebuild myself. So I guess you’ll always be apart of the story. Because it took losing you to start finding myself.
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AuthorReggie is a college gradute with a degree in English. She loves traveling and hopes to one day stay on the battle field for missions. Life is a book and everyday is an adventure, follow her on this journey and see the world through her eyes. Archives
November 2017
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