I can't bring myself to unpack my suitcase. Tomorrow it'll be a week that i've been home. I try to feel normal, get back into my routine, but everything just seems so different now. My heart hurts, my head is throbbing, and life doesn't seem to be slowing down. I did something crazy and applied to Grad School. I don't know what to expect, but I keep feeling like I need to do it. My life keeps going like I was never gone, but I was, and still am. My mind is here, but my heart is still there. I can't see myself getting over this, but I feel it quickly fading. All the adventures, the moments, the memories, they're fading away. I want to hold onto them, I can't let them go. That's why I take pictures, to be able to remember every moment I had. These images aren't just captured in a little square, they are so much more than that. Each image is a door that opens my mind back into that moment. It is where I get to relive the emotions and playback every second like a movie in my mind. I've been listening to this song called Fall Harder from the band Fractures, and it's just been on repeat for days now.
I keep replaying the line in my head I've been living with your ghost, stuck in a photograph. It breaks my heart every time. I can't shake the emotions it evokes, it just makes me feel. I haven't felt in a really long time. His ghost lingers, I can't get away from him, he's always there. I can't unpack my suitcase, it's the last reminder I have from it. Once I unpack, it's all over, life will really move as if none of it every happened. I felt like I found apart of myself on this trip. I've been feeling lost since I got back. I can't unpack. It's too painful.I'm not ready yet and I'm realizing I don't have to be.
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AuthorReggie is a college gradute with a degree in English. She loves traveling and hopes to one day stay on the battle field for missions. Life is a book and everyday is an adventure, follow her on this journey and see the world through her eyes. Archives
November 2017
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